I wish I had a word of automatic comfort but I don’t. I wish I could say that it will be alright on a certain or specific day but I can’t. I wish that all of the pain that I have endured could possibly ease some of yours but it won’t. What I can do for you is what has been…
“I tell my 6-year-old son that the only time the ice cream truck plays music is when it’s sold out.”—(via parentingconfessional)…. I submitted this never thinking it would get posted. This is real life friends!!!!
My son is like many other kids at this age. Sadly, it’s epidemic. I see kids everywhere doing it. It’s the age—I know. They touch ‘em. They rub ‘em. They even wiggle ‘em. It’s those darn loose teeth. And now, my little man has rubbed, massaged, and pulled on ‘em to pull them out! He is toothless! Well, only in the front on the top! My snaggle—I love him!!!
Scenario: We read for about 30 minutes every night. We have been reading the Ramona series and as we wrap it up, we have gotten to the part where Mrs. Quimby is pregnant and Beazus and Ramona are thinking of names for the baby. Once Beazus found out what her name means, there is a illustration of her dancing in their living room.
K: Mama, what is she doing?
Me: I think she’s dancing.
K: Actually, I think she’s Ballareen-ing.
K: Yeah, you know, as in being a beautiful ballerina!
Me: You just created that word, didn’t you?
K: Of course I did—that’s how smart I am now that I’m in kindergarten…You can read now.
I am not your typical 40something Mama. People who know me, know this to be true. While I pride myself on striving to be a pretty good Mama, I know I’m not perfect and don’t look at other Mom’s in comparison! We are all just trying to do the best we can with what we’ve got. However, some of the “seasoned” (AKA, more-than-one-kid) Mama’s at K’s school have opinions/comments/thoughts about my parenting techniques and me. And, for those of you who have a drop off routine, you know that you see the same group of families around the same time every day. Our life is no different.
Here are a few examples:
Some of the rules at K’s school are just strait “stupid”, in my opinion. I get it—some of them are about safety. I completely understand! Still doesn’t make me think they are any less stupid! When he gets in trouble for breaking them, I want to laugh out loud and stare at them like, “Really?!” My poker face isn’t very good when it comes to things like this. While I make him obey them, in my head, I am thinking, “When he can understand this better, I will explain to him that he can’t do it at school, but at home—go for it homie!” A few Moms’, in particular, have seen my facial expressions and have commented to me that I need to just embrace the rules. I smile and keep walking but in my head, the thoughts are basically, “Um… no thanks lady. That’s not how I get down, but thanks for your opinion!”
I wear heels ALL the time. Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall—this Mama is in heels. I like them, I feel good in them and they make me feel fabulous! I feel elongated and slimmer (even when I’m really not). I feel tall and pretty! Also, I pay a lot of money to keep my toes nice-looking, so I like to show them. I like to see them. Hell, there were a lot of years that I was so fat that I couldn’t even see my feet, so now that I can, I’m just happy to see them! Some of the Mom’s have something to say about this. EVERY! DANG! DAY!
My hair and makeup, even when I’m sick, is on point. Some days I don’t have eye shadow on, but I ALWAYS have mascara and even just some lip-gloss! A few of the morning mom’s have commented something to the effect of, “WOW, you always get done up!” I just smile and say thank you, but you know I’m thinking, “Uh, aren’t we on our way to work? Aren’t we about to start our day? Your boss/co-workers/husband/significant other may thank you if you used a comb!”
Music. Music seems to be the one that gets a lot of these Mamas in a huff. K and I have a routine on the way to school (all ¼ of a mile that it is!). We listen to music LOUD. It gets us pumped up! We sing along loudly. We like it! It starts our day out on a high note. My kid loves music and so do I! This morning, one of the regulars (who always has something to say about my clothes, shoes, makeup and music choice) said this morning, “I heard the song you were listening to this morning! I’m surprised you let him listen to that kind of music!” I wasn’t gonna say anything, but it was her tone that got me. “What kind of music?” “Well, it sounds like you let him listen to rap and stuff! I mean, does it have cuss words in it?” “I actually don’t let him listen to rap, we listen to hip hop and yes, I do let him listen to that. I try to eliminate cuss words, but I’m not always successful. Just like I’m sure most parents aren’t totally successful in NEVER using potty talk around their kids!” Her response was something to the effect of, “Oh. WOW. Well, I guess you guys like stuff like that!”
Oh, sweet, conservative, younger than me mom. Thank you for the compliment! Yes, we do like our music loud. Yes we do listen to hip-hop. Yes, we do sing along. And yes, we will continue to be fabulous! It’s all good!
It’s our son’s 6th birthday today and I can’t help but think about you today. You are always at the forefront of my mind, but on days like today, more so. I want you to know that today, as we celebrate his birth, you are missed. Your presence to see our son grow and mature and smile and laugh and rip open his gifts is missed. I know that sounds corny since I’ve never met you, but the funny thing is, I have. In every facial expression, or mannerism that our son does that I don’t recognize as something taught or learned, I think, “is that from Z?” or “Does Z do that too?” You are forever intertwined into who he is; into our family.
Let me tell you a few things about our boy on his 6th birthday:
He’s a hugger. More times than not, I have to remind him about personal space or asking people if he can give them a hug. He just loves to be near people and show affection.
He’s smart. This kid says some of the funniest things. He is witty and sarcastic—almost to a fault. His vocabulary is out of this world and he loves using big words. Ironically enough, he uses them correctly.
He’s a firecracker. He has more energy than I know what to do with sometimes. While it can get him in to trouble, he just wants to run free all the time!
He loves being barefoot. He could wear flip flops or sandals all year round. But he’d much rather be footloose and fancy free.
He’s a horrible sharer. He really dislikes sharing. Some of that is just being an only child and some of it, I think, stems from worrying that he may never get that toy back.
He loves chili cheese fries from Del Taco. He can’t get enough of them.
He’s a magnet sleeper/cuddler. He has to have his feet wedged up under you if he’s sitting or sleeping next to you. It can be sweet or annoying, depending on what mood you are in.
He’s a charmer. He works his magic with the ladies and loves every second of it. It’s those big eyes and that sweet smile that gets ‘em every time.
He loves to dance. He isn’t great at it, but loves to do it all the same.
He is easily frustrated when things don’t go his way. He’s quick to say, “That’s not fair!” and I gently remind him that life isn’t fair.
He loves to read. We read at night in bed for about 30 minutes and is truly disappointed when he can’t get in as much reading time as he would like.
He’s happy. Truly, truly a happy boy. He smiles more than should be considered legal and just enjoys life in general.
Z, there is so much more that makes up who our son is, but this is just a glimpse. Know that I love you; we love you. Without you, there is no us and I don’t take that lightly. I never will. I pray that our paths will cross and that I can reach out to you and hug you and thank you. I pray that I can share these stories with you in person one day and let you know that you are forever a part of the amazing fabric that makes up our family. I pray that one day, you two will be able to find each other and give each other a hug—he gives great hugs; I promise, you won’t be disappointed. I am sure that you are thinking about our son on this day, his 6th birthday, from 8,840 miles away; there isn’t a doubt in my mind.
Scenario: K-man was talking to Mr. JC on the phone (on speaker) and was asking him about how much he loves him. They were “arguing” about whether or not Mr. JC loves me more or K-man. After several, “no you love me more than Mama!” statements, Mr. JC finally conceded, and stated something to the effect of, “You sure are loved a lot, aren’t you?!”
JC: So Man Man, what are you gonna do with all that love?
K: Give it away!
JC: Wow! That’s right Man Man. With a lot of love, we give some away! That’s a grown up answer right there boy!!!
*It’s so true! When we get love, we give love!!! So proud of my two men!!!
Scenario: Getting out of the bath on a random Monday
K: Mama, how much do you love me?
Me: You are the most important thing in life to me.
K: So you love me more than anyone?
Me: I love lots of people so very much. But I love you so so so much and a lot more than some people! Like this much (with my arms open wide to the side, then vertically, then wrapped around myself in a big hug)!!!
K: But do you love me more than Nana?
K: More than Grandpa?
K: More than Mr. JC?
K: You know Mama, he told me that he loves me more than he loves you, so…
Me: Is that right? Well, we can ask him when he calls tonight.
K: No, just trust me. That’s what he said!
Me: Hmmmm!!! I don’t know about that!!!
K: It’s true. Seriously! Now, come here you! Gimme some sugar!!!