*It is my goal that even when I kvetch, I still have an attitude of gratitude, so each Friday, I want to share at least 5 fantastical things that have happened to me!
1. Home safe and sound from a great trip.
2. Rocked the heck outta that phone interview for a new job!
3. Kept my cool when a woman at the airport had a few choice words about me and my son. (more on that later).
4. Fall!!!
5. New season of shows starting…
*I will use each Tuesday to rat myself out about something! It’s all in good fun and I am sure that these “truth-day” revelations won’t be things people don’t already know about me!
Thank you lady in the Honolulu airport for your “kind” comments to me. It would have been nice if you had just stepped to me like a grown up to share your thoughts about my raising a black child, but I guess not. Sadly, you are clearly not a mature woman who can ask questions about our family, but make assumptions and then speak them loudly enough so that I can hear you. And I know you were talking about us because, let’s face it, how many black kids with white Mamas were there at the Honolulu airport. Jus sayin’!
I pity you, but at the same time, I have compassion for you, so that’s why I stepped to you and “confronted” you. I know it caught you off guard, but oh well. I know you weren’t prepared for me to want to sit next to you in the crowded gate area to ask you why you felt it necessary to make such comments about me or my child. I know you were caught off guard when I asked you if you really wanted to know how we became a family and what I teach my son about his Ethiopian-American heritage. I know it caught you off guard that I speak his native language and know how many countries make up the continent of Africa (not that this takes rocket science to know, but you didn’t know how many there were, so…). I know you weren’t ready for me to tell you that I have taken my son to culture class, that we hang out with other Ethiopian-American kids, and that I take pride in and love his culture. I know you weren’t prepared for my kindness towards you. Actually, you probably didn’t think that I would even say anything to you. Well, you were wrong. And now you know that you were wrong on so many levels.
So, thank you fellow traveler who lives in LA, but couldn’t tell me where “Little Ethiopia” was. Thank you for making me even more determined to educate ignorant folks and to make sure that my son isn’t one of them!
PS—beware of the Mama Bear lady, and you best be thankful that I love God! Believe that!
Scene: Beach
60-something married couple (60SMC): Is that your son?
Me: Yes he is.
60SMC: Would you mind if we asked you some questions about him? It’s obvious that he wasn’t born in the US. He is breathtaking and such a happy kid!!!
Me: Thank you! And you are correct—he was born in Ethiopia. I agree—he is pretty amazing! We became a family a little over a year and a half ago.
60SMC: How wonderful! We have some friends of friends who just adopted from Haiti right before the earthquake. Since we don’t know them very well, I would love to use the correct verbiage when talking to them about their son. We haven’t met anyone else who has ever adopted. Is that weird to ask you?
Me: Not at all. I wish more people would ask. Go ahead and ask away…
Twenty minute conversation that turned into an appropriate adoption terminology.
60SMC: Your son is so lucky to have you for a mom. We can’t tell you how much this means to us. We know how precious family is and to be able to become a family—no matter how it happens, is a miracle.
Me: Thank you! But I have to tell you. I am the one who is blessed. He has changed my whole life for the better.
60SMC: Well, it shows on both of your faces.
*We parted ways! This conversation left me smiling!
Thanks to my very good friend Joel. He sent this to me…
Made me think about how blessed I am to have so many amazing memories…
Well, within 9 days I have been recognized 13 times on this island. I wasn’t going to count when the first few happened. I actually don’t expect people to remember my story from my 4 minutes of fame (if you can call it that) on LA INK, honestly. Yet, the reason I started counting was because people haven’t just been coming up to me to ask me if I was on the show, but have been sharing with me how inspiring my story was—and that is what has blessed me the most. That is the reason I really wanted to do the show! Well, and I knew I’d get an amazing tattoo too!
I got to talk to 2 young couples who are here on vacation who have struggled with fertility issues. One of the women told me that she didn’t know that adoption was really something for them, but once she saw me on the show, they have been doing research on adoption and trying to find what might be the best fit for them.
An older couple from Tennessee said they recognized me from the show because they are raising their granddaughter and she loves the show—they watch it with her to have something “cool” to talk to her about. Not only that, one of their granddaughter’s friends was recently pregnant and gave her baby up for adoption and, for them, I was the only “face” of adoption they had seen, so they felt great about this young girl giving her baby to a family who desired to have kids! They thanked me!
A 40-something couple didn’t recognize me, but they recognized K and asked if I was his mom. When I turned around and said yes, they saw the tattoo and both screamed at each other, “I told you it was them!”
A few people haven’t recognized me or K, but they recognized the tattoo and approached me to ask about Kat, the shop, and the overall experience.
I have had a couple of teenagers come up to me and K and just wanna hug him and that’s been sweet. It’s after they comment on him and how cute he is that they ask about my adoption and the experience of getting a tattoo by Kat.
One response I seem to get from a lot of people is how happy K looks—and that makes me proud. I love that he’s happy and that others can tell! He really is a happy kid.
I have been honored that people have shared their stories with me and that I have been able to share a bit of my story with others through this tattoo! That’s what it’s all about, right?
http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/21/world/meast/iran-hikers/index.html?hpt=wo_c1
*I will use each Tuesday to rat myself out about something! It’s all in good fun and I am sure that these “truth-day” revelations won’t be things people don’t already know about me!
I get really frustrated when people want to give me parenting advice. I know I have only been a Mama for 19 months, but give me some credit. Really, give me some! I am trying to figure it out just like you. And let me just say, “Old Lady who has raised 4 kids 45 years ago, a lot has changed since then!” Also, my kid isn’t from my womb, I have a whole different set of issues to deal with than you child who probably doesn’t have abandonment issues or dealing with race issues or dealing with the IRS questioning if I “really” have a son even after I have supplied them with his US Birth Certificate and all my paperwork or dealing with people’s weird/stupid/ignorant questions about his “real” parents or how much he “cost”. So… please just know that we are a family built through love. We love each other forever. And please keep your advice to yourself—unless I ask! Just know, I know how to ask for help!
While on vacation for 2 weeks in Hawaii, this was part of a conversation that went awry very quickly. What started off as a pleasant exchange about my son’s phenomenal swimming skills quickly turned into fightin’ words.
Within the first 2 days of being here, K became sort of an urban legend around the resort. People who hadn’t met him had “heard” about his swimming dexterity. Once they met the kid “with the name I can’t quite remember”, they were “oooh-ing” and “ahhhh-ing” about what a strong swimmer he is. All seemed to be amazed that he could dive down to the deep end and use big pullers and kickers while kids two and three years older than him were using floaties or were deathly afraid of the water. But this isn’t a post about his awesomeness—it’s about a rude lady.
This woman, whose name I clearly don’t know, so I will refer to her as Baby Boomer Sun Bather (BBSB) had to be in her mid to late 60s. She kind of cornered me to talk to me about K. She was going on and on about how she would love to have her grandkids swim as well as he does and how she is just so impressed by him. Not only that, she kept saying how much she loved his confidence. Then it happened—she added, “You and your husband must be so proud. What a cutie and a he’s a great swimmer…” When I told her that I was indeed proud of him but that I wasn’t married, she snorted and said, “Oh, did your husband leave you because you didn’t lose your baby weight fast enough?” I really didn’t have any words for her at first. Sadly, what I initially wanted to do was stand up and cuss her out and be like “Heffa can’t you tell he’s adopted? And ok, yeah, I could lose some weight, but for the love of everything holy, is that ok to say to someone?! Anyone?”
But I didn’t—she wasn’t worth it. All I said was that I haven’t ever been married and that he was adopted. She really didn’t want to continue the conversation after that, and I was ok with that. What’s more disheartening is that I think her comments were a reflection of her own life. Where would someone ever come up with something like that unless they were wounded so deeply to their core by that exact experience (or something very close to it). Part of me wanted to slap the crap out of her for calling me fat and the other part of me wanted to hug and tell her that it was ok and she could cry it out!!!
Eh, but such is life. I will continue living my amazingly wonderful life and she will continue living her miserable existence.
Scene: At the pool watching K swim. Many of the older folks saying, “Honey that’s the little boy I was telling you about!” My mom (K’s swim teacher) smiling proudly! K yelling, “Mommy, look at me!”
Old Guy Sun tanning (OGST): Wow! He’s good! My wife was here the other day and told me about him, but wow! To see him for myself—he’s quite the swimmer!
Me: Thanks! I appreciate that!
OGST: Is he African?
Me: He was born in Ethiopia.
OGST: I could tell because of how black he is!
Me: Um…
(Before I could add anything else) OGST: He your foster kid? An exchange student or something?
Me: No. He is my son! We have been a family for…
(Cutting me off) OGST: Praise God. It’s nice to see people like you gettin’ kids from a country with so many problems.
Me: Well, Ethiopia is an amazing country with beautiful people and a wonderful culture. I am blessed to have him as my son and have his birth country be Ethiopia.
OGST: No, I meant Africa. Africa has THE AIDS and stuff like that.
ME: Sir, Africa is a continent—not a country. And Africa has over 50…
(Cutting me off) OGST: Well whatever. Look at him go!
*I just swam to the other end of the pool and kept K with me.
