I didn’t think I would have to lay down these kinds of rules, but clearly, I was mistaken…
1. Please keep your tongue in your mouth when you are kissing people. That’s a conversation for a later date.
2. Please do not fart on me (or anyone) right as you sit in their lap
3. Please don’t burp, hold it in your mouth and then blow it in someone’s face. No one wants that.
4. You penis. It isn’t going anywhere. You don’t need to pull it, touch it, rub it or tug on it 24/7. (I know this is a rhetorical rule, but…
5. Other people’s penis’. Please don’t try to go into the stall with them to watch them pee. It’s ok for them to pull it, touch it, rub it or tug on it, but not for you to see why there is different or the same as yours.
6. Jumping from the stairs to the couch is dangerous, but if you are going to do it, please make sure that someone isn’t sitting in the vicinity of where you might land.
7. Try to keep your bare hands away from your butt at all times. The only time that you should be touching your butt is to wipe it and then you MUST wash up! That’s not optional.
8. Nothing wonderful comes out of your nose. Nor does anything wonderful come out of mine. Please remember that.
9. Please knock before coming in to the bathroom. I don’t need any help and neither does Grandpa.
10. Not everyone wants to talk about their body parts—especially at Target or school or church. Let’s work on that!