He, She, They, We!

*I didn’t post this yesterday because I wasn’t sure I was going to post it at all.  K’s “story” isn’t something that I talk about because it’s simply that—his story.  However, if it wasn’t for his amazing birth parents, I wouldn’t be a Mama…  If you have followed me, you know that I celebrate his b-mom a lot; probably because I have more information about her and probably because, as a fellow Mama, I feel like I have a stronger connection to her…  but if it wasn’t for his b-dad, there wouldn’t be a K-man.  So… there you have it.  My round-about way of sharing him…

Dear M,

Well, I haven’t ever written you before but for some reason, this Father’s Day I thought about you.  It isn’t that I don’t think about you often and wonder about you, but, for some reason, this week, you have been on my heart.  I know you aren’t “here” anymore, but I would have loved to have our son meet you.  Let me tell you a few things about him—he’s tall, probably like you were.  He’s handsome—probably a mixture of you and Z, I am sure.  While I legally changed his name, he still carries your name, your family name within his name.  I always want him to have a piece of you with him.  K is smart and funny.  He makes me laugh all the time and is witty with a quick comeback.  He loves to run and jump and climb.  One of his favorite things to do this time of year is swim and he’s really good at it.  M, I also want you to know that he has amazing men in his life.  In case you might have ever been worries about that.  We are blessed to have men who adore him, protect him, help raise him and assist in training him to be a man.  So, M, on Father’s Day, this Father’s Day, just know that no matter where you are, we love you!

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

― Bob Marley

Dear Z,
Here we are again, another mothers day. As I am writing this, our beautiful son is sitting next to me reading a superhero book. He can’t read the words, but I have read it to him so many times, we knows most if it by heart. He is so amazing Z. He is so scrappy and gritty and energetic and smart. He is loving and caring. He is generous and kind. He is so many things Z and I know that much of this is because of you.  Later tonight we will draw you something special and decide which picture we should put with his drawing and this letter. I think about you on a daily basis. As our life become busier and busier, I think of you more.  You are so enmeshed in our conversations, in our lives.  I so wish that on this Mother’s Day, I could hug you. I so want to tell you how much I appreciate you. I want to tell you how much I love you. I want you to know that we haven’t ever forgotten you or the amazingly wonderful gift you gave me in our son.  Happy Mother’s Day Z. We love you.  I love you.  Our son loves you.

Conversation out of the blue, for no reason at all…

JC: You know, when we have babies, they would be seriously fine!  I mean, I gotta say it, my nieces are gorgeous and you are way hotter than my brother’s wife. So…

Me: (stunned silence):  Thank you, I think?!  *furious laughter ensued!