Scenario: Driving in the car to LA for a Pirates and Princess Sing-A-Long show at the Kirk Douglas Theatre
K: Mama, what’s that? (pointing to a billboard for the movie Hercules).
Me: It’s a new movie coming out called Hercules. And I think Hercules is very good looking (who doesn’t think the Rock is hot?!?!?!)
K: What’s it about?
Me: Well, Hercules was the son of a god…
K: Like Percy Jackson? Like Thor?
Me: Yes. He was the son of Zeus, but his Mommy was a mortal—a human and not a god.
K: Is he a fighter guy?
Me: Yes he is. He has to fight 12 big things. There’s more to the story, but we can talk about that when you are 10.
K: What’s that name of the guy that Shawn calls me (our next door neighbor)?
K: Yeah! Is he a god?
Me: No. He’s a gladiator. A very strong warrior who fought with his friends against slavery.
K: Oooooh! (clearly not knowing what slavery is). So… um, Spartacles isn’t the same as… wait, what does Shawn call me again?
Me: Did you mean to ask if Hercules is the same as Spartacus?
K: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!
Me: No, sweetie, they are two different people.
K: Well, I think they should just be Spartacles. I mean they are both warrior guys. They seem strong. But…. Oh, look, there’s a crane!!!
Scenario: Sitting in the car about to go into summer camp.
K: Mama, I had the worst dream of my whole entire life last night.
Me: WOW! The worst one ever?
K: Yeah, it’s too sad to tell you.
K: Because it might hurt your feelings if I tell you.
Me: Baby, you know you can tell me anything—no matter what. What was your dream about?
K: Someone told me that if I was a bad boy that you wouldn’t love me anymore.
Me: Oh Baby! You know that’s not true, right?
K: I told them that we have a rule, but they didn’t believe me.
Me: And what’s our rule about love?
K: Love never breaks—not our love. You love me for forever, no matter what.
K: Even when you’re mad at me, you still love me.
K: You’re not sad that I had that dream? It didn’t hurt your feelings?
Me: No my love! Why would it? It’s not true. I love you, no matter what. I may be disappointed in your choices, but how much I love doesn’t change.
K: Oh good! I didn’t want you to be sad and have a bummer day. Come here you, gimme a kiss!!!
Scenario: In the car listening to “Not a Bad Thing” by Justin Timberlake
K: Mama, this is so my new jam!
Me: I know, right?!
K: Is this Jesus music?
Me: No sweetie, it’s not, but it’s still good music.
K: I thought it was Jesus music because it sounds like Uncle Joel.
Me: It does?
K: Yeah, and he sings the best Jesus music songs. Better than anyone in the whole wide world. And this sounds like one of the songs he would sing!!! Ok… you can turn it back up now!
Disclaimer: After thinking about it—this is totally a song that Uncle Joel could write and would KILL them vocals! Just sayin’!
Scenario: The day of my parent’s 50th Wedding anniversary.
Me: Before you sit down to eat, let’s call Nana and Grandpa and wish them a happy anniversary.
K: What’s that?
Me: An anniversary is a day when something special happens and you want to remember it.
K: Oh ok.
Me: 50 years ago Nana and Grandpa got married.
K: To who?
Me: To each other.
K: What? Really? Wow! I never knew that.
Riding in the car on our way to church
K: What are our eyeballs made of? Is moisture involved?
My son is like many other kids at this age. Sadly, it’s epidemic. I see kids everywhere doing it. It’s the age—I know. They touch ‘em. They rub ‘em. They even wiggle ‘em. It’s those darn loose teeth. And now, my little man has rubbed, massaged, and pulled on ‘em to pull them out! He is toothless! Well, only in the front on the top! My snaggle—I love him!!!